Although my doctor wanted to take my uterus out as soon as possible, I talked her into waiting a couple of weeks to give me a chance to prepare. I needed to prepare my family and my practice. I also needed to prepare myself emotionally. She said that as long as my endometrial biopsy was negative, I could wait. It took two days to get the biopsy results back. I walked around for two days thinking that I probably had cancer and going through a mental checklist of what I was willing to do for treatment and what I wasn’t willing to do. I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t eat. When the biopsy came back negative, I was incredibly relieved.

I was informed that I was going to need an abdominal hysterectomy since the mass was too large to be done vaginally. They wanted to take my ovaries, just because they were there and I was insistent they leave them in along with my appendix that they wanted to take out! Although I was no longer worried about cancer, I had surgery and the knowledge of the zillions of complications that could occur to contend with.

I realized that I had little control over what was about to happen to me, or so I thought. I could however stop them from taking out healthy organs that would otherwise be taken out simply because they are there. I was told initially that I could not choose my anesthesiologist. I wanted to listen to an audiotape during the surgery and was told that it was up to the doctor in charge of my head (the anesthesiologist). If one doctor was in charge of my head and one was in charge of my uterus, who was in charge of the whole body?! I was told to register for surgery over the phone. I called at the given time and was told that since I was healthy and the registration department was so busy that I didn’t need to go through the procedure. Unfortunately, that meant I had no idea what to expect!

I realized that although this surgery was major to me and would have an impact on my body and my life, for those doing or participating in my surgery, this was routine. It’s their job. Sometimes, I think, those who do it every day forget the true impact of surgery and its implications for the patient. My patients had expressed frustration with various hospital procedures and experiences to me and I have a new understanding of what they were talking about. I decided I needed to take charge and get some of my control back! So, I did. Robin Miller

TOMORROW: Part III