I have always considered myself to be very healthy. In fact, I have prided myself on staying fit, eating a healthy diet, and being as proactive as possible regarding my health. Of course, when, a few years ago at age 53, I started having vaginal bleeding AFTER going through menopause and my life was out of control, I managed to ignore what was going on. When it continued on and off for a couple of months and I caught myself chiding a patient for not letting me know about her intermittent post-menopausal bleeding, I realized I had a problem.

Even then, I was in total denial about anything being wrong with my “very fit” self. I called my doctor and arranged for a pelvic ultrasound. When the ultrasonographer gasped at the site of my ultrasound, I knew I was in trouble. I could see that there was a very large mass filling the space that used to be my very petite uterus. My heart sank. It was so bad that the ultrasound technician walked my ultrasound and me over to my doctor’s office and insisted that my doctor needed to see me right away. I have a doctor who is very calm. When she got upset, insisted on doing an endometrial biopsy and wanted to take out my uterus the next day, I freaked out. She said she didn’t think that I had cancer, but her eyes told me that she was worried.

I am a doctor, I am not supposed to get sick or have problems, right? I realized I had a health issue that I needed to take care of, and I knew it was time for my uterus to come out. I was no longer the doctor I was now the patient. All kinds of feelings were stirred up for me. I have two sons and they were both hatched in my uterus. Now this very important part of me was going to be removed. It is hard to describe, but I felt a deep sadness mixed with a sense of gratitude.. I got very nostalgic when I thought about the births of my children and what I was able to do with the help of the organ I was about to lose. I also was hit with a sense of humility. I realized how insensitive I had been to others who had lost theirs. So many of my patients have had hysterectomies and I dutifully recorded it in the past medical history section of their chart. I never thought about what it meant to so many of those women. Clearly, this was one of many learning experiences for me on this surgical journey. Robin Miller

Stay tuned for Pt II tomorrow.